Hey mamas and papas it’s Heather B. We’ve all lost a job at one time or another so we know EXACTLY what it’s like to be in the weeds. My friend Liz is no different. She’s stuck in some serious bamboo and can’t find her way out. She’s a hardworking, fabulous gal! But so far employers haven’t noticed that yet (jerks) She’s lost out on another job. This is where we pick up her story (after the jump).
LIZ DAY 135 – STARTING WEEK #20
As I sit here and wait… to hear from my next prospective employer… I realize why patience is considered a virtue. You’ve heard a watched pot never boils. A waited by phone… never rings, either.
It all started 135 days ago … (Tomorrow) Monday, April 27th will begin week #20, I can’t believe how quickly 4 ½ months have flown by. Plus, in the mail this weekend came the latest “Were sorry” notice that again, I am not the “chosen one.” Good luck with your search! Thanks, that really makes it all better.
Then of course there are the second guessers of what they believe you did wrong during the interview, what you said wrong, why you didn’t get the job. I told you not to tell them that. Not to say that. Do they really think yelling at you, browbeating you, forcefully telling you… how you so obviously screwed up is going to make you feel any better? Maybe they are right about why you didn’t get the job. But how will you ever know? It’s not as if the potential employer who has already decided to hire someone else plans on giving you the laundry list of why they chose that person over you. So why go second guessing yourself in the first place? What good does that do you or anyone else? Will it change anything? Does it change how you plan on going into your next job interview? Maybe, I guess that’s up to me on whether or not I want to take their advice.
But telling you “Here’s what you need to do now!” doesn’t really help when what you need from them right now to kiss the boo-boo and make it all better.
There’s plenty of time for screaming when the pity party is done. Can I at least have 24 hours to mourn the loss of the job I wanted? When you are down and feeling this low does it really help to have someone pile on the blame and the criticism? Will they praise you with the same gusto when you finally do land a gig? Please, can we just have some kind of moratorium on dealing with the all this rejection?
WEIGHING YOUR OPTIONS
Plus, they seem to have all the answers (or believe they do) about what you need to do next, who you need to call, which direction you need to head. How much should you weigh what these people think? How much should you go with their intuition over your own? How much weight do you give their opinion, when you know they are in your corner and have your back? How much can you trust their judgment over your own? Do they really have a better grasp of you than you have of yourself? Especially considering the longer you are in this situation the more your reality is skewed by your current situation. How much do you need an outsider’s perspective? It brings up the age old question: What’s your perception and what’s the reality? Do they know your strengths and weaknesses better than you? How much of their kudos and criticism are you expected to take without fighting back… mad and frustrated? Is either of you really right or wrong in this situation? What if they have done way more hiring than you ever hope to have interviews? Does that make a difference? Should it? Is it just because they are forcing you to see yourself in the mirror and look at yourself, in a way you don’t want to?
What are your issues, really?
I thought I did well in the interview. Is it about what I did wrong or what someone else had done so right? Was I what they were looking for in the first place? Did I exceed their expectations? I don’t know. Was I over qualified? Under qualified? Did I fit the requirements and not the culture of the office? Did I not have the right personality or did I have too much personality? Did I talk too much? Say something I shouldn’t have? Not answer their questions correctly or directly? Did they believe my answers to be truthful? Did I go on, and on, and on … too much? Were they worried that I would bail the minute I got another opportunity? Were they looking for a lifer who has no ambition? Was it all about you and what you did or didn’t bring to the table? Because before I left the interview and in the e-mailed follow-up thank you, I stated I wanted the job.
So, when you have 5 or 6 equally qualified candidates… what puts one over the top of the others? Did one of them, blow them away Michael Phelps style and in turn you out of the water and this job?
Were you really ever in the race to begin with? On your mark, ready, set, GO! Were they already out of the blocks and you hadn’t even gotten into the job pool yet? How will you ever know what’s been right and wrong all along until you get to the employment finish line.
A THINKING JOB SEEKER’S REAL PROBLEM
How honest should you be in an interview? What do they really need to know about you? What do they want to know? When you call hiring a process, what should be included and what should be left out? Isn’t this about getting to know you and you getting the chance to know them? What should you keep a secret about yourself till you get the job? What should you be up front about from the beginning? Do you know the difference? How can you tell? Is this just about the job and their business and they really don’t want to know anything about you as a person, just what you can do for them in a work capacity? That seems hard for me to believe. What is keeping you from capitalizing on this and every other opportunity that you have had? What phrases (are you using) are keeping you from getting the job you so desperately desire and need? Did they know better than you that this just wasn’t going to work out in the long run? Was this just not the right job for you? The one you were meant to get? That the job you are meant to get, is just around the corner hiding out of your reach right now. Where and when will I find it? Am I looking in the right places? Am I putting myself out there enough? Or am I just over thinking it too much? Too many questions and not enough answers.
Is the devil really in the details? Should I treat this more like dating, and as a first date? One where they “just weren’t that into me” and it’s better to find out now rather than after you have gotten married and had two kids. Is really in the end just one relationship and job a good fit… Is fate holding onto “the one” somewhere out there… and it’s just waiting for you to find them? Should our standards be just as high a picky with a job as with a man? Should we have a list of characteristics and requirements for a job that we are not willing to budge about? Or should we settle for what we can find right now? Should we expect a job to keep us just as blissfully happy and without complications? Is there a perfect job “soul” mate?