Mamas and papas (thanks Craig!) I’m not sure where to start but I feel I must share what being broke and sick of the job search means to me. It’s absolute EXHAUSTION. There have been times when I wasn’t sure how everything was going to work out. But I kept the faith and just kept going. I would always tell myself “Keep moving, keep trying, keep the faith. It will pass. It will change. It can’t last forever.” It did pass. It did change. But it would take a long time.
During one of my longest struggles I scribbled in my trusty note book the following words. I’ve kept them for a long time. I’ve never known what to do with them. But it feels right to share them now. (interpret them how you want)
“Exhaustion drapes over me like an old overcoat, tattered and torn I’ve got my strap stuck in the door. Twisting and pulling and crushing my bones. One more step… I can”t find the courage. ”
For a while, I had just about given up on finding security. I know it sounds dramatic. But honestly when you are on your own, you’re on your own. It’s frightening and exhausting. I never thought that my life could be so good because I struggled so long. But it is.
Financially, I’m not struggling now. But once you’ve been broke you can never forget. And right now my survival instincts have kicked in. It doesn’t matter how much money is in the bank. I’ll always worry. I just can’t help it.
I am cutting back. Sure, I could do more. But I can’t FIRE the people that depend on me for their livelihood. I just can’t. I’ll give up a few things to keep them employed.
Yes. Right now I may live in a wonderful neighborhood, drive a nice car, and have beautiful things. But that doesn’t make me immune to the economy. I think about it everyday. And right now my former “broke” self is whispering little lessons in my ear. I hope you will listen to them in the weeks ahead. Some are sad… most are funny. I’m sure you can relate.